Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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