My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize