I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
