so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
