am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
