you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
