Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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