good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
