So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
