So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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