i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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