I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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