Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
