It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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