If i come over, it means nothing
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
