I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
