Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
