you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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