i just wanna soil my oats bro
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
