Your face is a jimmy john
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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