He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
