Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, beer. Big fan.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
