Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
