i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
