She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
