so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
