Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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