He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
