Cold hands, warm shart.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
