Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
