How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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