I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
