Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
