Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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