the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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