haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
