i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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