So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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