Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
smell my finger.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
