I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
