do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize