what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
