I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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