I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
