who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
