accomplished twins. life is a go
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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