Just fell off a train. Bad.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
