The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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