Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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