I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
