Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
