If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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