I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
