I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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