I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
