there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
