I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My cat gives me a boner
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
