His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize