I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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