now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
