I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
