Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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