seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
