Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
