hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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