worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
